4 Steps for Creating Strong Boundaries for Success

When you reprogram your boundaries, you regain your strength and tap into your flow.

Strengthen your boundaries using these four fundamental steps so you can begin to develop stronger boundaries.

Step 1: Learn to notice unacceptable behavior.

So many of us have been brought up to meet uncomfortable behavior with politeness, pushing our own emotions aside, and putting everyone else before us.

We might pride ourselves on our adaptability and caring nature. But then we find ourselves feeling frustrated and like we’re falling behind because we pushed our own dreams and needs aside.

What can we do to take the first step?

After developing an awareness of what is not acceptable to you, practice identifying this behavior you don't want to allow in your life.

At first, this might be hard to identify when it happens, because if you’re used to being treated in an unhealthy way, it's in your Somatic Imprint... so it will seem normal, almost transparent. In the beginning, you might only realize this behavior occurred in hindsight.

Once you’re able to identify that you were treated unfairly, you need to meet yourself with self-compassion.

You might feel anger or shame at first, for allowing this behavior around you. Know that it wasn’t your fault and that you need to treat yourself with uttermost kindness. It takes time, patience, and compassion to reprogram a bad habit.

Does this resonate with you? Take some time today to contemplate this step and practice it.

Step 2: Learn to react to it in the moment

The first foundational step was to start noticing the behavior that is unacceptable, so you can get better at realizing it is happening.

For the next step, we’re going to build on this so that you know what to do once you’re better at noticing the undesirable behavior.

The more you learn how to identify the behavior, the better you get at recognizing it just as it happens. At first, it’s completely normal to have an extreme reaction and to get angry or feel frustrated. Be gentle with yourself. You are learning how to walk on from the first step, and practice makes perfect.

You can’t expect to run before you even walk. As time goes by, you get better at it. Be patient.

Can you think of a recent time when this happened?

Step 3: Learn to respond effectively to it.

This step is where time spent with these first two steps starts to pay off, as you move into more proactive boundary building…

When you're able to finally identify the behavior and react in the moment, the next step is to respond in a way that sets a clear boundary but without losing it.

You need to understand that the person inflicting the pain on you is hurt themselves. Something in their Somatic Imprint got damaged and hurt their healthy boundaries.

When you can address this with compassion you start to see that this has nothing to do with you and that the person just doesn’t know any better. The person’s behavior stops having power over you and you are able to shift the boundary to a healthy place.

Then you can hold your boundary and choose to respond more intentionally.

This step is SO important. Imagine how it would feel to free yourself from the emotional reactiveness you’ve had before.

Step 4: Process and heal the underlying emotions you are blocking underneath

In the final step, you’ll learn how the time and effort spent with the first 3 steps really pays off, as you reach the stage where you can heal underlying emotions and patterns.

When you process and heal the underlying emotions, you are less likely to get emotionally triggered when the person treats you in a way that no longer feels acceptable.

You reach the point where you simply hold a strong and clear boundary, which can be stated as not being good enough for you, without feeling emotionally pulled.

That’s really powerful self-mastery. And high self-worth!

With high self-worth, solid boundaries, and feeling whole, you can truly achieve your biggest goals.

Now, keep practicing these 4 steps daily till you feel you own it.