Are you making this mistake when it comes to trust?

For us to trust other people to hold space for us, so that we dare truly show up vulnerably, we need to give this trust only to those who deserve it.

When the trust broke down in my triad coaching group, we really struggled to move past it.

We all got hurt by the emotional fallout because the safe space wasn’t there.

As a result, the emotions in the group exploded. Trust is a very fragile thing that we have to really be gentle with. Most people tend to erase others from their lives when something like this happens.

To trust someone enough that you can show up as the real you, you have to not only consciously build the trust, you have to take responsibility for picking the right person.

Whether you're showing up in a shame storm, or so angry you could scream, you want to trust you’re fully met. The last thing you want to happen after you dare speak your truth, or show your messy, uncomfortable realness, is being judged.

One of the things I run into a lot when I'm working with clients is that sometimes people give others their trust, without checking the trust can be met or testing the relationship. If you pick somebody to hold safe space for you or vice versa, it has to feel like a real honour.

We knew deep down that we could really trust each other, so even though it would have been easier to let being triggered destroy the relationship, we chose to focus on how we could rebuild the trust. When trust is broken, if we don’t know what to do, it can be really hard to rebuild.

We had supervision sessions, which felt incredibly hard. They were so emotionally charged that it was hard to fully let go again to vulnerable places, even though we knew there was no bad intent behind the initial breakdown.

We found ourselves blaming and having to learn to speak from a different place. Instead of saying "You did this and you did that and I am angry for it," we learned to say "When you do this it makes me feel this." This allowed us to stop the blame and share back our feelings till we diffused the situation and came back to trust.

We’ve learned to stay with what we all felt together and feel it together without having to fix anything.

Moments like these challenge you to do the work to move through them and grow. Otherwise, you miss out on the deep, honest connections you can develop over time.

We did the work and stayed committed. Because of this, we bounced back and managed to return to an incredible relationship. The growth from that has been sensational.

So this holiday season I invite you to examine and reflect on this and what you are doing in your relationships to make them amazing.