When I met Nelson, it wasn’t love at first sight. It was a gradual process of building trust and safety through soulful connection, which led to intimacy and, ultimately, opening up to divine love…Things shifted after my Ayahuasca journeys in April.  I came to Peru to work on various things. One of them was healing what was blocking me in love. 

I began my training as a facilitator for the next Aya retreat, so that I can be a pillar of grounding and resilience for participants to lean on. As a facilitator, the intention behind each ceremony shifts. I’m no longer drinking the medicine for my own healing. 

Healing and releasing the blocks that are holding you back from living the life you desire isn’t always easy—it doesn’t always look the way we want it to, and it certainly isn’t always comfortable (in fact, it rarely is).  Yet, it’s in those moments of extreme discomfort that we find the most profound transformations ✨I hope sharing some of my insights will help you in your own journey. 

By drinking the plant dieta, you’re entering a relationship with the plant spirit, allowing it to work within you, and along with Mother Aya, to heal, guide, and teach you. Each plant guide is different with special lessons for you. It works more somatically on what you are missing, for example, helping you shift what you need in your body to find love, have abundance, have more emotional resilience, and more. 

Integration is really the journey after the journey. It’s one thing to feel what you need to shift in your life; the second part is to take action to change what needs to be changed. And when you’re moving in a direction that the medicine showed you - when it feels right, you feel a deep knowing and sense of alignment in your whole body. 

One night I couldn't take it anymore. He looked at me with eyes of sadness and pain, and wept.  I broke down angry and crying and said to my mom that I couldn't do it. She got into a rage. I was so scared. She was in her nightgown. She stepped out the door, picked up her nightgown, and had nothing underneath. She screamed: "what do you want that everyone would see my v-gina!?"

When the person who sent this email said “I am hurt”, they implied that I did something to them personally. But underneath hurt… is pain.  If you feel the pain of the divide, it’s because there is a divide. I can’t take away your pain or ease it for you because I did not create this divide. Like you, I am feeling it, and it cuts through my heart. Yet, if we can learn how to express our pain without turning it into a conflict between us, real healing can begin.

I leaned on the door and closed my eyes, suddenly I was back with Aya and she was teaching me more wisdom. As I was paying attention to her wisdom and insights. I then remembered that I was on my way to the washroom and could not hold it in anymore. I opened my eyes and realized I collapsed on the floor. Six people were standing above me checking if I was okay…

With the help of Mother Aya, I could feel more deeply than ever before that what happened to me is not because something was wrong with me. I was rejected so much because others lacked compassion and emotional capacity. It reflects on them, not on me. This realization landing in my body was helping me shift the rejection cycle.