I might have said no đź«Ł
**This newsletter is part of a series sharing my experience of my recent Ayahuasca healing journey in Peru. To read the April journey part 1 click here, part 2 click here, part 3 click here, and part 4 click here. For my August journey part 1 click here, and for part 3 click here. For two important parts about finding love, part 1 click here and part 2 click here.**
I recently returned from an intense Ayahuasca journey in the heart of the Peruvian jungle. It was my second trip in a span of a few months, and it was such a different journey from any Aya journey I had before.
As I continue to sit with the wisdom I received from Mother Aya and from my plant guide, and integrate it into my daily life, I feel called to share my most important sacred lessons from this recent journey with you.
Healing and releasing the blocks that are holding you back from living the life you desire isn’t always easy—it doesn’t always look the way we want it to, and it certainly isn’t always comfortable (in fact, it rarely is).
Yet, it’s in those moments of extreme discomfort that we find the most profound transformations ✨
I hope sharing some of my insights will help you in your own journey.
1. Uncomfortable Emotions & Trust Are Part Of The Process
Healing often brings up emotions we didn’t expect or want, especially when our healing isn’t flowing how we thought it would or how we would prefer it to.
Anger, impatience, and frustration surface when things don’t go our way.
Mother Aya did not speak to me at all during the first half of the night of the first ceremony during this trip. Nor did I hear any wisdom in between ceremonies the way she always does with me.
I remember staring at the roof of the Maloka in darkness, frustrated that nothing was happening. So when I went for the second dose, Wilson (the shaman) explained to me that my body knows the medicine now, so I need to drink a bit more on this trip.
After the first half with no word from Mother Aya I was in rage. And I was not able to let it go.
It allowed me to see that I have so much anger when things don't go my way.
Wilson said I need to have patience. And this is the lesson.
But it was hard and I was so angry.
I had to find a way to let go and trust that all is unfolding as it should. And so I did.
I realized that when healing doesn’t look the way we want it to, it’s an invitation to an even deeper level of trust. And many times it’s really hard for us to do.
Mother Aya gives you what you need, not what you want. It’s a reminder to let go of our own expectations of our healing journey.
2. Your Journey Is Yours Alone
It’s tempting to compare ourselves to others and measure our healing journey against theirs, especially if their journey seems smoother or more challenging than our own.
Yet the truth is: we can’t compare.
Each person’s healing path is unique.
I learned to stop measuring my progress against others and instead, honour my own pace and process.
This time, the maestra instructed me to the Chirisanango plant guide for my plant dieta. It had a very different effect on me than the plant dieta I drank last time.
Apparently, Chiri brings out any pains, muscles spasms, and emotions that need to be released. It intensifies them all. I felt a lot of fear and anger during the first 24 hours. And I got super sick.
They gave me this plant dieta to make me emotionally stronger. Yet, at first when I started drinking it, I felt weaker.
And while everyone else had a mild reaction to their dieta, my body reacted in extreme ways and instead of being sick for 24 hours, I was sick for 5 days.
I felt impatient that my body was reacting so strongly to the medicine and to the fact that my body reactions were more extreme than others’.
So, while no one else’s journey looked like mine, it doesn’t mean mine was worse or better than theirs.
So in the midst of suffering, doubt, and exhaustion, I had to embrace my own experience, because it was my journey and mine alone. And I had to trust in the wisdom of the maestra that she knew what I needed based on what I said I was struggling with and the intentions I set for myself.
3. Leaning On Others Is A Strength, Not A Weakness
I’ve always prided myself on my independence like I’m sure many of you high-achieving women do.
Yet, my journey this time reminded me of the power of leaning on others.
At my weakest, when I couldn’t even make it to the washroom alone, I had to trust the maestra and the facilitator. This experience was a reminder that true strength lies in allowing ourselves to be supported.
I had to trust that Mother Aya was giving me what I needed. I had to trust the maestra’s wisdom, that she was guiding me and gave me exactly what I needed, and I quite literally had to lean on the facilitator to make it to the toilet!
Leaning on others can be really hard when we’ve learned to depend only on ourselves. It felt really amazing to embrace and surrender to this truth.
4. Ignorance Can Be Bliss, Yet Courage Is Key
This journey was intense. The way my body reacted to the Chirisanango was extreme.
And if I am being honest, I realize that if I had known what was coming, I might have refused to drink it. I might have said no.
Thank goodness I didn’t know. Ignorance can be bliss. 🫣
Because that step–continuing to move forward through the journey, and trusting in the process–though so challenging, was a true act of surrender.
We can never know what’s coming on our healing journey. Especially when we start to peel back the layers and explore what is underneath our blocks and uncertainties.
And if we did know what was coming, we might not take that step.
This experience was a reminder that we don’t need to (and can’t) know all the details and control every aspect of the journey ahead of time.
If we try, it can actually affect the results we get. It’s our courage to surrender that allows for true transformation.
5. Short-Term Discomfort For Long-Term Freedom
A friend asked me, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” after she heard how difficult my journey was this time.
And in all honesty, I could have chosen to relax on a beach in Ibiza instead. 🏖️
Yet, my response to her was simple:
“If you could go through one intense, challenging week to release something that’s been weighing you down for decades, and after that week you could finally shift it, wouldn’t it be worth it?”
She thought for a second and replied, “Absolutely.”
The discomfort in the short term is worth the freedom and benefits that come afterward.
After the first trip, I got the deep, passionate love I desired. Now I am working on the abundance of the business and already feeling the impact of these journeys.
Because it isn’t just about the immediate journey or even the discomfort.
It’s about the major changes you see in your life in the very areas you came to work with and unblock.
There are so many more lessons I can share with you about self-trust, the unfolding journey, and more.
For now, I’ll leave you with the ones I shared above. Feel into them, and let them sink in. See what resonates with you and what makes you curious about what’s possible for you in your own life, in your own journey.
These lessons are for anyone on a healing path, anyone seeking deeper transformation.
I was reminded on this Aya journey that each new step may be challenging, yet the rewards in my life are immeasurable.
If these insights resonate with you, I invite you to send me a message, so we can explore if our next 10-person Ayahuasca Somatic Healing retreat in Peru is for you. ✨
It’s a sacred space to explore these lessons for yourself, to dive deep into your own healing journey, and to emerge stronger, freer, and more intentional about reaching your goals.
If this interests you, reach out, and I’ll share all the details with you. 💗
With love,
Chen