[Part 2] I Pooped All Over Myself 💩
**This newsletter is part of a series sharing my experience of my recent Ayahuasca healing journeys in Peru. To read April Part 1 click here., for part 3 click here, for part 4 click here. To read the August Journey part 1 click here, part 2 click here, and part 3 click here. For two important parts about finding love, part 1 click here and part 2 click here.**
After the first few days with Maestra Mathilde and her shamanic family, I was ready for the second ceremony.
So much was revealed to me in my first ceremony and I was ready to work with my next intention. I was journaling nonstop, which was helping me integrate.
Day Two of Ceremony
On the evening of the second ceremony, I set my intention for Mother Aya to teach me what I need to do to bring my business to abundance, and help me heal what is blocking me in achieving this.
When I came to the maestra prepared to drink the medicine, her daughter Sara said to me in a super intense tone: concéntrate! (Focus!).
I asked her, "En mi intención? (On my intention?)”, and she replied, "el bloqueo (the block).”
Her energy was so intense and focused, like she was directing a soldier, that I became hyper-focused on my mission. I knew they were in it with me when singing the Icaros to activate the medicine in my body.
I went back to my bed and lay there repeating my intention, yet I added an SOS to Aya and begged her to do anything necessary to help me get past the block tonight.
On the first night of ceremonies, the block came up inside me, and I stopped hearing the wisdom from Mother Aya. She was speaking it, and I could not let it in to receive it. Matilde reassured me that they will help me break free.
I leaned into the trust that they were holding sacred space for me, and I told Aya to do whatever it takes to help me release my block… and now. That I couldn't go on with this block in me anymore and I needed her help. It had to happen tonight.
What came after was ‘whatever it takes!’
I laid in my bed, and Mother Aya was showing me and teaching me what to do with things that I needed to shift. My eyes were closed, and I was in divine soft and loving energy. I was getting beautiful downloads of wisdom.
Then, I suddenly felt that I had to go to the washroom to poop. It couldn't wait a second.
I opened my eyes, jumped out of bed, and started walking quickly towards the door. It was hard to walk with the medicine in me, and my head started spinning, feeling sick.
I leaned on the door and closed my eyes, suddenly I was back with Aya and she was teaching me more wisdom.
I was paying attention to her wisdom and insights, and then I remembered that I was on my way to the washroom and could not hold it in anymore. I opened my eyes and realized I collapsed on the floor. Six people were standing above me checking if I was okay, and they helped me get up, two people supporting me as I was so dizzy. I closed my eyes for a second and again I was with Aya learning from her.
Apparently, I passed out a second time according to what it looked like outside. On the inside, I was on a deep journey with Aya and awake.
They helped me get up and supported me. I could not stand alone. Katja gave me a bucket, and I started puking. Katja and David (the facilitators)were supporting me and helping me walk to the washroom when I realized I pooped all over myself when I fell down.
As I walked to the washroom, it was all coming out whether I liked it or not. Mother Aya made me purge my emotional block.
As they say, be careful what you wish for. 💩
Yet, I didn’t feel shame or bad about what happened. I was grateful to Mother Aya for healing me… for removing this block in me.
We got to the washroom. Katja got me a towel and got me a change of clothes from my room. I was weak and could barely stand. I showered, and Katja helped me get back to the ceremony to continue the journey. I got back into my bed, put my head on the pillow & pulled my blanket on top of me. I continued my journey.
After The Release
I woke up after such an intense night and felt relieved that finally the block was out. I felt lighter and happier, like a super heavy weight of decades was lifted.
I didn’t know yet what effect this would have in my life, since the real impact would be felt when I returned home and started working on my integration. Yet, even in that moment, I felt that this was a huge shift that will change the trajectory of my life.
In the next morning, we all laughed about the intense experience together. It was pretty funny actually. Katja and I were joking about how the block was coming out of all pores. We rolled laughing for a bit about the whole thing.
I drank the plant dieta siqueme siqueme, had a shower, and went back to my Tambo to rest.
I know that for most of you this sounds like a complete nightmare that you'll never want to go through, and I must admit this was extreme. I have been to two retreats before and it's never been like this.
I knew Mother Aya was calling me to sit with the medicine again. I honestly got so lucky. I got to go on this journey with Matilde and her family. Their Shipibo family is very powerful, the medicine they brew is so strong, and their Icaros singing is powerful.
I wasn't just drinking the medicine but doing two plant dietas at the same time. I knew it would be a small group, but I didn’t know that we would be 4 shamans on 5 guests. They were able to put so much into my specific healing. It was way more than I’ve ever experienced on other Ayahuasca retreats.
Feeling the commitment and the love of the whole family, and knowing that they’re taking care of me, was such an amazing experience of being held and supported. No one has ever held space for me like that in an Ayahuasca ceremony.
And in all honesty, if you had to go through an intense one night like that 💩where you let go of something that was weighing on you and holding you back for decades, and the next day you woke up to a completely new life…. wouldn't that be worth it?!
So after this intense experience, integration day was so needed. My body needed to build up strength, and my spirit needed to integrate all of the wisdom downloads that Mother Aya shared with me the night before.
And we had grilled chicken!!!! The taste of chicken after a week of bland food was a festival of flavours!!!
The dieta is so strict on what you can and can’t eat that I was so excited about the flavors. It made me realize we take so much for granted in our day to day life.
In the morning they only gave me one cup of plant dieta.
From Block to Abundance
The release I experienced after the second ceremony has allowed for a new and amazing flow of abundance. I am ten tons lighter now.
It feels like I came back to a whole new life.
I can’t wait to share more about what life looks like now after these journeys and as I am integrating all of Mother Aya’s wisdom into my life.
Thank you for being here and allowing me to share this raw, profound experience with you 💗
With love,
Chen
P.S. In my Part 3 Aya newsletter, I will share with you the story of my trauma and childhood in a way I’ve never shared before. I barely made it out alive with PTSD and a lot to heal. I've been on the healing path for 30 years and I can honestly say that I am in a great place in my life now. Yet, there is so much more…
And I am happy to say that I’ll be taking 10 people with me on an exclusive, transformative Aya retreat to the healing center in Peru that I went to later this year.
If this interests you, please send me a message, and I’ll share all the details with you. 💗